


Throwing Around Apples

by probably_publius



Category: Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ancient Greece, Ancient History, Apples, Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Athena, Bakery, Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Constantinople, Crowley Needs a Hug (Good Omens), Crowley is Hermes, Crowley is Poseidon, Crowley's Name is Crawly | Crawley (Good Omens), Didn't Know They Were Dating, Fluff, He/Him Pronouns For Aziraphale (Good Omens), He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), Headcanon that Crowley didn't have a gender until AD, Headcanon that they posed as Greek deities, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Original Character(s), Near Future, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Rick Riorden style chapter titles, The Iliad References, The Odyssey References, They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), Throwing apples proposal, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29456961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/probably_publius/pseuds/probably_publius
Summary: The Ancient Greeks had a custom of throwing apples to become engaged. It is said that this custom originated from the myth where Paris was tasked with giving the golden apple to the fairest of the goddesses. During the start of the Trojan War, Aziraphale accidently throws Crawly an apple, and they catch it.The modern tradition of proposing with a ring most likely originated from the Byzantine Empire. Coincidentally around the time that this custom grows in popularity, Crowley offers Aziraphale a ring.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 24





	1. An Apple a Day... makes a Giant War Start (Good Job, Paris)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a historical fiction work, but my knowledge of ancient civilizations is shoddy at best, so take this story with a grain of salt. I never actually read the Iliad, but I did read a summary of its events and most of the Odyssey for school. I chose to date the start of the Trojan War at circa 1190 BCE in this fic, but the exact date is unknown. There's also nothing that said Helen of Troy had a going-away party, but I just made that up for the sake of the plot. (Whether or not the Trojan War ever happened is also debated.) And my knowledge on the Byzantine Empire is limited, so that chapter is probably full or inaccuracies. I'm not entirely sure when marriage proposals with rings started, but some brief research lent that it started early CE/AD. Also, I am not a fortune-teller and do not know what will happen in the near future. I have the couple going out and about in 2021, but I do not know yet if it will be safe by the end of the year.
> 
> Trigger Warning for the kidnapping of Helen by Paris. Whether or not Helen's capture was consensual differs between sources (some people say she was struck by Cupid's arrow and voluntarily went with Paris), but in here it's referred to as abduction. Also a warning for reference to a very bloody war and the burning of Troy.

Circa 1190 BCE Ancient Lacedaemon

The demon Crawly threw a red apple up in the air and caught it. It was quite a surprise to them since they’d been attempting to catch the fruit all morning, but their corporeal limbs hadn’t been cooperating till now. Now that they had finally caught the apple, they didn’t know what to do. They could eat the apple, but eating wasn’t really their thing. They could’ve gone and taken a nap for a decade or two, or gone to a vineyard and tempted the humans into giving them a barrel of something drinkable. But they had already done so much lazing around for the last few millenium ever since unicorn rides went out of style, and Hell was starting to get on their back for it.

“Crawzly,” Beelzebub had said during their last report, “We sent you up there to make trouble, not for you to sleep.”

Apparently, ze wouldn’t take Crawly’s argument that they were influencing the humans into Sloth.

So here Crawly was, on some hill outside of Sparta, with absolutely  _ nothing _ to do. Hell hadn’t given them any specific assignments, but they figured they ought to go into town and have some demonic fun.

“I know!” Crawly shot up from their shaded spot in the grass. “I’ll head into the city and tempt someone who definitely doesn’t want to to eat this apple to eat it.” It was simple enough and the plan brought them back to the days of Eden before humans started migrating and building complicated civilizations.

Crawly stood up and pulled their hooded veil over their eyes. It was a real hassle, hiding their snake eyes from the humans. They were awaiting the day when something was invented to better disguise their eyes. They miracled up a basket, filled it with apples from the tree they were sitting below, and made their way into the city.

Sparta was a bustling city whose main focus was the military and athletics. Crawly wasn’t too fond of the military training as it reminded them of Heaven and Hell in their wars, but it was much nicer than the alternative Greek city. Athens was centered around the wisdom goddess and all about the arts, it was much more the speed of that Angel.

Currently, the Spartans were running about the streets with excitement. Crawly recalled there was something to do with the king’s wife leaving to go back to her homeland, Troy. The people of the city were excited to throw here a farewell party. Parties were good for Crawly, they gave them many opportunities to stir up trouble.

A lady carrying a crate of wine bumped into Crawley, causing them to drop a few apples into the dirt. “Oi, watch it!”

The lady glanced at Crawly a not so apologetic look. “Sorry,” she grumbled. She adjusted the heavy crate in her arms and straightened herself as if remembering she had a duty. “Are you coming to the farewell party? At the shore in three days.”

“ _ Yess _ , I’m coming to the party,” Crawly hissed. Isn’t everyone in  _ thiss bloody ccity _ ?” Snapping at humans was a demonic habit of theirs. They were actually quite grateful for the lady telling them the date and location of the event, but gratitude was not a demonic trait.

“Don’t need to be rude about it,” the lady frowned, shifting the wine crate again. She glanced in the direction where she was heading and at the sun. She was running late.

Crawly seized the opportunity. “Here, let me make it up for you.” They snatched the fallen produce from the ground and held an apple out to the lady. “Let’s you and I take a break. You can set that heavy crate down and rest in the shade.”

The lady looked at the apple. “Wasn’t that just on the ground?”

Crawly brushed the apple off on their robes and offered it again. The lady still didn’t take it so they returned it to their basket and swapped it out for a clean one. “ _ Now  _ will you take it?”

The lady’s unhappy expression didn’t change. “No, I don’t know if you can tell, but I am  _ quite _ busy. Why don’t you go sell your apples elsewhere?”

“M’not selling them. I just wanted to offer you a snack.”

“If you felt up to doing charity, why don’t you help with setting up?”

Crawly grimaced at that word.  _ Charity. _ “But the day is so hot and you’ve been working for hours.” They laced their words with demonic temptation. “ _ Just a little break. _ ”

The lady’s eyes were supposed to glaze over, and she was supposed to take the apple. But she was still defying Crawly’s offer. “No.”

“ _ Just eat the blessed apple!” _ they hissed.

“No!” she said finitely before turning away.

Crawly stood up straight. “Bugger.” Were they losing their touch or were humans just becoming more and more insufferable? Their shielded eyes scanned the marketplace for another potential temptee. Their gaze locked on one person in particular. Oh…  _ great. _

The blessed Angel Aziraphale stood at a food stand, his back turned away from Crawly. Crawly groaned. “What is  _ he  _ doing here?”

Crawly decided it’d be good demonic behavior for them to go investigate, so they approached the Angel. “Hallo there,” they greeted as they came up behind Aziraphale’s left. Crawly grinned as they watched the Angel jump in surprise.

“What—” the Angel looked up at Crawly’s veiled face, his eyes staring at them accusingly. “What are you _doing_ here?!”

“‘Bout to ask you the same thing, Angel,” Crawly said with an amiable smile. Wasn’t the angel supposed to encourage friendliness? Even from a demon?

Aziraphale squinted at Crawly. “It’s  _ Aziraphale,  _ and I’m here on…” He glanced at the human running the food stand. He couldn’t very well talk about whatever business in front of a human.

Impulsively, Crawly paid the human for the pasteli Aziraphale was purchasing. When Aziraphale started to protest, they just said, “Our money’s miracled from the same place, Angel.” They handed Aziraphale their pasteli bar and led him away to a more secluded part of the marketplace. “Alright, you may continue. Why are you here?”

Aziraphale stuffed his pastry in the pocket of his bright white robes. “I’m here on angelic business. Something is going to go down at the party in three days. Of course I should’ve expected  _ you  _ were behind it.”

Crawly wrinkled their nose. “I’m not planning anything. Nothing big, anyway. I thought I’d drop by and tempt some people into drinking more than they should. What is this  _ something?  _ D’your lot warn you about it?”

Aziraphale’s face twisted up in some form of guilt. Not that Angels could be guilty, but Aziraphale often felt like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to. Like talking to a Demon, for example. “No, Heaven did not send me. I… I don’t even know if they’d approve of my mission.”

Crawly raised an eyebrow, amused. “Oh? Can’t really call it angelic business then. So, what’s up?”

Aziraphale looked up at Crawly again and exhaled. “Fine, I’ll tell you. Just… promise you won’t try and stop me?”

Crawly held up their hand in oath. “Swear to Satan.”

The Angel huffed exasperatedly, but relented to Crawly. “I heard a human prophecy that Paris, a prince from Troy, is coming to abduct Helen at the party.”

Crawly scoffed. “Oh, I'm not behind that. I don’t really approve of abductions.”

“Well there are rumours Paris was given the task to judge three goddesses and give the most beautiful a golden apple. The beauty goddess tempted Paris into giving her the apple by offering him Helen.” 

“And you think it was me? The beauty goddess? Angel, I’m flattered, but—”

Aziraphale flushed. “You know what I mean.” He glanced at the basket in Crawly’s hand. “It’s just… apples… temptations… that’s your signature thing, innut?”

Crawly frowned. “I suppose. But it wasn’t me. Why are you interested in protecting the princess, anyway? It’s not gonna end in anything bad, is it?”

Aziraphale looked up and met Crawly’s eyes underneath their veil. “There’s going to be a war. People are going to  _ die, _ Crawly.”

The demon’s expression turned worried. “How bad?”

“Very. They’re going to burn Troy and all its male inhabitants. Even… even the kids.” Aziraphale remembered how protective Crawly was of the kids last time they met. He had never seen a Demon cry before.

Crawly winced. They didn’t like War. Whenever she came around, Hell would always give them more work. That’s probably why they’ve been quiet lately, they were saving all of Crawly’s assignments for the war. “Alright…” It could be perceived as sinful to try and get out of work, demonic or otherwise. “Let me help you.”

Aziraphale’s eyes grew wide. “I don’t want your help, Demon! I just need you to stay out of my way. It’ll just take a simple miracle to stop the abduction.”

“But if you fail—”

“I  _ won’t _ fail as long as you stay out of my way.”

Crawly did stay out of Aziraphale’s way for the most part. As much as they wanted to help, they listened to the Angel, it was the right thing to do. As a Demon, Crawly wasn’t supposed to do the right thing, but if Aziraphale knew what he was doing, Crawly wouldn’t interfere.

However, not interfering did not equate to not watching Aziraphale from across the courtyard on the day of the party. Crawly leaned against a table while holding a glass of wine, their eyes underneath the veil following Aziraphale. Aziraphale didn’t realize Crawly was there due to a demonic miracle, but the Angel was so busy he wouldn’t have realized Crawly anyway. His hands kept nervously fiddling with his robes and his eyes were scanning the river’s horizon for something. 

It’s fine, Crawly thought. He had it under control.

“Hello.” A voice beside Crawly made them jump. A few drops of their wine spilled to the ground, leaving dark red marks in the dirt.

Crawly looked at their spilled wine somberly and then looked up to see what human had spooked them. “Oh… hello again.” It was the lady from the day before. The rude one who wouldn’t take their apple.

“I thought it was you. Glad to see you made it.”

“Hmm.” Crawly glanced over at Aziraphale again. “Said I was coming, didn’t I?”

The lady laughed. She seemed a lot more laid back now that the party was finished being set up. “Look, I wanted to apologize about what happened the other day.”

“Don’t apologize,” Crawly said. Wouldn’t be very demonic of them to accept apologies. “You were in a hurry the other day.”

“That and I didn’t understand your gesture. Although to be fair, it is a new custom.”

“Custom?” Crawly was confused. They had just meant to be tempting her into taking a break.

“Well, you heard the news of Paris and the golden apple, right?” the lady asked.

“Yes,” said Crawly, unsure of what that had to do with them.

“Apparently, people are now using the offering of apples to equal a marriage proposal. I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you were proposing, but I’ll have to turn you down.”

Crawly’s eyes went wide. “Oh, no no no no!” they said quickly. “That’s not what I mean by it. I didn’t even hear about, um, Paris and his apples till later that day. Sorry, that wasn’t what I meant.” Crawly blessed themself under their breath for apologizing.

“Oh, okay. Then it’s all good then.” The lady extended her hand towards Crawly. “Theodora.”

Crawly didn’t shake her hand but nodded politely. “Crawly.”

“Crawly? That’s a strange name.” Theodora made the face humans made when trying to figure out where names were from. As if that mattered.

“Yeah, it’s from… yeah.” Crawly checked on Aziraphale once more. He still hadn’t moved his eyes from the water.

“Are you having a good time at the party?” Theodora asked.

“Uh, sure. Very nice… fun going on here.”

“Oh, I’m glad. I was on the planning committee, you know?” Theodora bragged.

Crawly turned to her. They were supposed to be encouraging Pride. “Were you now?”

Theodora nodded. “Yes. I normally plan weddings, but a party for the princess? Oh, I couldn't refuse the offer to help with the planning.”

“Weddings, eh?” Crawly asked indifferently. Aziraphale was growing more and more nervous. Crawly looked at the horizon and could’ve sworn they saw a ship in the distance.

“Yes. I’m in charge of a rather successful business.” Theodora followed Crawly’s gaze. “You could always hire us to plan your wedding if you and the guy in white aren’t already married.”

“What?!” Crawly snapped their eyes towards Theodora. “ _ Him? _ Absolutely not. I don’t even know him.”

Theodora smirked. “Ooh, so you're admiring a stranger from across the floor? How romantic.”

“I wasn’t admiring,” Crawly said defensively. “I was just watching him.” Satan, they couldn’t imagine falling for an angel. True, they treated Aziraphale with a higher respect than most beings but that wasn’t because they  _ liked  _ him. Impossible.

“Want me to talk to him?” Theodora asked.

“No. In fact, I think he’s quite busy.”

“He’s just standing there. You watch, it’ll be just fine.” She started to make her way towards Aziraphale.

“Theodora, stop!” Crawly followed behind her panicked.

“Hello there,” Theodora greeted Aziraphale cheerfully, pulling his gaze from the water. “My friend here sent me to talk to you. You see, they’re afraid to tell you but—”

“Theodora, stop!” Crawly butted into their conversation. “Aziraphale, I didn’t tell her anything.”

“Aziraphale?” Theodora looked at Crawly in confusion. “I thought you said you didn’t know him.”

“I did,” Crawly said. “I just, um, lied?”

“Crawly,” Aziraphale said with distaste. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t stop me.”

“I know, Angel. I didn’t mean to, I’ll let you get back to your business.” Crawly was much too apologetic for a demon.

_ “Angel?”  _ Theodora’s smirk grew.

Crawly glanced out at the empty river. The ship they could’ve sworn was there a second ago seemed to be missing. Aziraphale noticed this too. “This can’t be good,” he muttered.

A royal announcer walked in front of the party crowd and announced, “Princess Helen of Sparta will now be departing on her voyage to Troy!” The archaeans clammered with excitement as the princess emerged from her home.

“Oh!” Theodora sighed excitedly. “Isn’t she lovely?”

Helen smiled at the crowd as she made her way to her own ship docked at the river’s shore.

“Aziraphale, can you see anything malicious?” Crawly asked.

“Aside from you?” the Angel retorted.

“This is serious.”

_ “ _ I  _ am  _ being serious. You’re trying to distract me.” Aziraphale looked back at Helen’s ship. “Oh no, that’s him.”

“Who?” Crawly asked. They’d forgotten Theodora was there but she seemed too swept up in the excitement of the crowd to listen to the two’s conversation.

“Paris. He’s disguised as the captain.” Crawly watched as Helen shook hands with him, her eyes trained on her abducter’s face.

“Well then… do  _ something,”  _ Crawly urged.

Aziraphale sighed. “I’m too far away.” He tried to walk forward but the crowd was too tightly packed with well-built Spartans for him to pass through.

“Let me help,” Crawly offered. They could part the crowd with a demonic miracle.

“I don’t want  _ your  _ help!” Aziraphale shouted, his voice laced with stress. “Now get away before you make this worse.”

“But—” Crawly was cut off as the Spartans’ cheers suddenly grew louder. Helen’s ship had departed.

“Crawly!” Aziraphale yelled. His fists shaking with righteous anger. “This is all  _ your  _ fault!”

Crawly raised their hands up. “I didn’t mean to distract you, I swear.”

“And now there’s going to be a war. People are going to  _ die!” _

“I know, I—” Something was caught in Crawly’s throat. This didn’t feel right for a demon.

“Don’t act all innocent. You’re a  _ demon!  _ You  _ can’t _ be innocent! I bet this was your intent the whole time, you wanted a war to start!” Aziraphale accused.

“Angel, no—”

“That’s your thing. You tempt humans into destruction. You did it at Eden and you’re doing it here!”

Crawly’s face felt hot. “I didn’t mean to! I didn’t even mean to at Eden!”

_ “Liar!”  _ Aziraphale snapped. He grabbed an apple that someone had dropped on the ground. “I never should’ve even spoken with you.” He threw the apple at Crawly’s chest and stormed off.

Theodora chose this time to return her attention to Crawly. She eyed the apple in their hand and shouted with joy. “Oh my gods, he proposed!”

Crawly looked down at the apple, holding back tears. “No, he definitely didn’t do that.”

“Can I plan your wedding? Oh, it’ll be so lovely. Would you be willing to wear a dress? I—”

“Theodora, stop! No one’s getting married,” Crawly hissed. This time, she finally listened.

“Are— are you okay?” she asked, noticing the state Crawly was in.

Crawly didn’t answer her. They threw the apple onto the floor. “If there’s anybody who would be enlisted into war and you care deeply about them, tell them to run. To flee the peninsula.”

“W—what? What are you talking about?”

“There’s going to be a war, okay? I’m warning you. I have to go.”

Theodora continued talking behind them but Crawly was already fleeing the crowd. Hell would have a lot of assignments for them to do here soon.


	2. Okay but Aziraphale is totally Athena

Circa 1170 BCE Ancient Ithaca

Aziraphale exited the house of Odysseus and shed his disguise. He didn’t feel happy, pretending to be a goddess. But if it helped the mortals, then he would gladly impersonate a deity. Disguised as Athena, Aziraphale had assisted Odysseus in being reunited with his family.

Aziraphale looked out at the woods and his eyes locked onto a dark figure sitting on a rock. He approached them and sat beside them on the rock. “Odysseus is home now,” he informed. “In case you’d like to know.”

Crawly nodded. They had their veil pulled back so Aziraphale could see their sad serpentine eyes. Aziraphale couldn’t completely say that he forgave Crawly for distracting him at the party decades ago, but he did feel some sorrow for the demon. They’d been given a lot of grim assignments and (along with Aziraphale) seen a lot of bloodshed. Even after the war, they had to follow Odysseus on his voyage home. Crawly may have caused a lot of Odysseus’s hardships, but they had also given Odysseus a plant so he wouldn’t be poisoned by Circe and had convinced Calypso to let Odysseus go.

Crawly cleared their throat. “It’s a shame the rest of his crew couldn’t go home.”

“I told you there’d be a lot of death, Crawly,” Aziraphale sighed. He struggled with accepting it himself, but he knew it all had to tie in with the ineffable plan somehow.

Crawly hugged themself. “Um, hey… I know we haven’t really gotten to talk in a while, so it was never brought up, but… we’re technically engaged.”

“Pardon?” Aziraphale wasn’t sure if he heard correctly.

“Yeah… back in Sparta at the party. You handed me an apple.”

“Oh.” Aziraphale recalled the custom. “Isn’t that ironic?”

“Quite,” Crawly nodded, their yellow eyes still staring out into the forest.

“Well,” Aziraphale stood up, “It’s been an interesting twenty years. I’ll, um— I suppose I’ll see you around?”

Crawly’s gaze still didn’t move. “Yep. See you around.”


	3. A Day Off and he still has to Thwart the Wiles of a Demon

Circa 850 CE Constantinople, Byzantine Empire

Aziraphale looked down at the jewelry thoughtfully. He had a day off from performing miracles and blessing the humans so he thought he’d go down to the marketplace and check out some shops. Contributing to the trade had to be a good deed. And the marketplace was such a lovely place with its crowded carts and kiosks. It was a bit too loud for Aziraphale's taste, but the marketplace always felt so... human. So human that he'd never expect to meet a supernatural being there.

“They’re all very lovely,” Aziraphale said, not looking up from the golden and silver pretties laid out on the stand.

“Glad you think ssso,” the owner of the stand said, their voice oddly familiar.

Aziraphale looked up to see the owner’s face and stepped back in shock as he came face to face with a pair of shades. “Ahh, Cra—Crowley!”

The serpent straightened up and laughed, his hand clutching his stomach. “Oh Angel, you should’ve seen your face. It was  _ hilarious.  _ How the Heaven did it take you so long to realize I was here?”

Aziraphale’s face flushed pink. “Yes, ha ha,  _ very funny.”  _ He exhaled. “What are you doing here?”

Crowley pouted. “What? Can’t a demon just sell some goods without being hassled by an Angel?”

Aziraphale sighed. “No, he can’t. It’s my duty to thwart you, and I know you’re up to something, Demon.”

Crowley frowned. “Why are you in such a sour mood?”

“Because today was my day off,” Aziraphale explained, his voice just barely a whine. “And now I have to thwart you.”

Crowley nodded. “You don’t  _ have _ to thwart me. You could just leave my humble business alone. In fact, would you like to purchase anything?” He gestured to the table.

Aziraphale examined Crowley’s mischievous expression and the jewelry on the table. “They’re cursed, aren’t they?”

Crowley chuckled. “Drat, you figured it out. You are good, Angel. Yes, Hell sent up some… curse potion or something and had me mix it into the metal. But… I suppose since you figured it out, my plan was  _ foiled. _ ” He snapped his fingers and Aziraphale felt a layer of evil leave the marketplace.

His eyes grew wide. “Won’t Hell find out?”

“That I was thwarted by an Angel? Yeah.” Crowley seemed pretty nonchalant about all this. He was still leaning against the table and smiling at Aziraphale. “That is why I am  _ very  _ angry at you.” He picked a necklace off the stand. “So can I interest you in anything?”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “You are a weird one.”

Crowley grabbed a golden band off a piece of fur. “Oh, this’ll be perfect for you, Angel.” He grabbed Aziraphale’s hand and slid the ring onto his pinkie. It fit like a glove. (Well, not actually a glove since it was a ring. It would be better to say that it fit like a very well fitting ring. It was such a perfect fit, in fact, it seemed almost miraculous.)

Aziraphale blushed and pulled his hand back. “Aren’t the humans using rings to mark engagement nowadays?”

Crowley shrugged. “It’ll be in exchange for that time in Sparta.”

“Sparta?” Aziraphale asked. He twisted the ring on his finger.

“Yeah, remember? You handed me an apple. Old engagement custom.”

Aziraphale remembered. “Oh, that’s right.” He looked at the ring. “Well… it is a rather lovely ring. Did you smith it yourself?”

Crowley nodded. “If you like it, it’s yours.”

Aziraphale quickly took the ring off his finger and placed it back on the table. “You know I can’t do that.”

Crowley tried to hand it back to him. “Don’t think of it as a gift from a demon. Think of it as a gift from a friend.”

“Friend?” Aziraphale looked down and pulled at his robes. “Crowley, we can’t be friends.”

Crowley frowned, although it was more angry than somber. “I know.”

Aziraphale took the ring again. This was a bad idea. “How much?”

Crowley’s expression turned to surprise. “Oh, um, free of charge. Like I said, it’s yours.”

Aziraphale slipped the band onto his pinkie and smiled at Crowley. “Well… I wish you luck with your business.”

“And I wish you a nice day off,” Crowley said. He waved to the Angel as he disappeared into the crowd.

Aziraphale walked around the marketplace some more, twisting his new accessory on his pinkie. It was quite nice of Crowley to give it to him. And Azirapahle admitted, it was pleasant to see his familiar face.

He continued thinking about the demon until someone came up on his left.

“Heya!”

Aziraphale screamed again and met the person’s face. “If you keep jumping up on me like that, you’ll discorporate me!”

Crowley chuckled. “That’s technically part of my purpose here.”

“Hmm,” Aziraphale hummed as remembered that he and Crowley were supposed to be hereditary enemies. “Aren’t you supposed to be selling jewelry?”

“Yeah, cursed jewelry. But  _ somebody  _ thwarted me and now I don’t really have a purpose selling anything." Crowley gave an exaggerated groan. So I figured I’d, y’know slack off and have a day off.” He flashed a smile towards Aziraphale. “So where are you going?”

Aziraphale looked over his shoulder and up at Crowley. “I heard there’s a new pastry place nearby. They do marvelous things to their pies.”

“I’ve never eaten a pie.”

Aziraphale smiled. He and Crowley have done this dance before. “Well, let me  _ tempt _ you…”


	4. A not-so-much-on-an-Angel and a not-so-much-of-a-Demon eat Apple Pie

2021 CE Soho, London

“Angel!” Crowley called in a sing-song voice as he entered the bookshop. “Guess what I just saw a few blocks down from here?”

“The new bakery?” Aziraphale asked from his chair where he was reading a book. “I’ve known about it for weeks. They opened last Friday.”

“Oh,” Crowley’s smile dimmed.

“But,” Aziraphale put down his book and made his way towards the Demon, “I haven’t visited it yet. Thought you’d like to do it with me?”

Behind his glasses, Crowley’s cheeks turned pink. “Oh… you know you could’ve gone without me, Angel. I’m not your assigned dinner date.”

Aziraphale grabbed his jacket. “You practically are. Have been since… was it ancient Rome?”

Crowley nodded. “Oh right, oysters!” he said enthusiastically.

Aziraphale chuckled foundly. Crowley hadn’t even ended up eating any oysters. Every time the two would go out to eat, Aziraphale was the only one to actually indulge in the meal. Crowley would usually just watch him, occasionally stealing a chip if he hadn't eaten in a few years. “Shall we go?”

Crowley laced a lanky arm through Aziraphale’s. “We shall.”

To Crowley’s demise, they walked on the sidewalk to reach the bakery. “I drove for a reason, Angel,” he sighed, watching the cars speed by on the road.

“Oh hush, it’s only a small walk.” And the Angel was right, they soon reached the bakery and entered through the door to be met with the pleasant smell of pastries. Aziraphale sighed contently. “It smells _scrumptious_ in here.”

Crowley grabbed them a table in the middle of the room, lit well by the sunlight streaming in through the windows. He liked to sit in the middle because it meant the servers were less likely to forget about them. As he sat back in a decently comfortable wooden chair, Aziraphale went to the counter to order.

When he returned, he sat across from Crowley, leaning inward as he started to speak. “I got myself some crepes—”

“Naturally,” Crowley smirked.

“And I ordered something for you as well,” he added, a smug glint in his eyes.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Why? You know I don’t eat.”

“Well, you should. When was the last time you ate?”

Crowley thought back. “Sometime in the ‘70s? I think I stole a bite of your devil’s food cake.”

“Ah.”

As the two waited for their food, Aziraphale twiddled with his fingers. For dealing with old books and parchment for centuries, they were quite soft. Aziraphale manicured his own hands and still wore the golden band Crowley had given to him on his pinkie.

“So,” Crowley said, “What did you order me.”

Aziraphale smirked. “Oh, you’ll see.”

The waiter soon came with their food, handing Aziraphale a plate of crepes and Crowley a plate of—

“Oh, you _bastard,”_ he hissed. “Apple pie, Angel? _Apple_ pie?”

Aziraphale smiled and took a bite of his food.

Crowley continued sputtering. “Really, I don’t need a reminder. I never meant to do the right thing at Eden, and—ugh.” He sunk down into his chair.

Aziraphale swallowed down a bite of food. “Do you remember the Trojan War?” he asked spontaneously.

Crowley’s brow furrowed. “Trojan War? The one with the heel and the big horse? Yeah, why?” He only reference the popular events of the war. Not the burning of Troy and not the odyssey home which many soldiers didn't finish.

“D’you remember how it started?” he inquired further.

Crowley squinted, thinking back to millenium before. “Paris gave some chick and apple and then fled to Troy with Helen. Again, _why_ is this relevant?”

“Where were we when that happened?”

Crowley groaned. “Bloody Heaven, Angel. How am I supposed to remember? We were probably in Sparta, um…” His eyes widened with realization. “Oh.”

Aziraphale smirked. “Yep.”

Crowley sat up. “Has this become a thing now? We jokingly propose to each other over the years?”

“Who said it was a joke?” Aziraphale asked.

Crowley blinked. “Well, _of course_ it’s a joke, Angel. What are you implying? That you’re being serious? C’mon, I know you. You would _never_ want to be with _me._ I’m a _demon_ , remember?” Crowley felt tears build up in his eyes as he let his thoughts spill out. Bless it, this was supposed to be a casual visit to the bakery, Crowley hadn't meant to start venting. He usually needed to be a few bottles in for that. “For six thousand years that’s all you’ve ever said. Up until a few years ago, we couldn’t even be friends. You wouldn’t let me help you stop the Trojan War, it took you some convincing for you to wear my ring, you wouldn’t even agree to the Arrangement at first! Every few centuries or so we’d randomly be friendly but—” Crowley bit the inside of his cheek. This was one of those times, wasn’t it? Aziraphale would be all nice to him, making him believe he had a chance before ditching him for Heaven. Not that he could go back to Heaven now after everything, but Crowley still didn’t trust Aziraphale.

Aziraphale bit his lip. This was a mistake, wasn’t it? “I didn’t mean to insult you, my dear. I just thought after being together for three thousand years, you’d like to make it official.”

“ _Together?”_ Crowley echoed.

“Practically. I mean, there was the apple in Greece and the ring in Constantinople. Not to mention the countless dates we’ve gone on. Remember, oysters? The pastry place? Like I said, it wasn’t really official…”

“I thought—I thought you said I went too fast for you?”

“Yes.” Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s hands across the table. “I’m sorry about that. Back then, I suppose I was still loyal to Heaven and being with a Demon was out of question.”

Crowley frowned.

“But now, I don’t see you as a demon,” Aziraphale continued. He grabbed a golden band from the pocket of his coat. “If you would forgive me, I’d like to try again. Crowley, would you like to wear my ring?”

“I—” Crowley stared at Aziraphale. He couldn’t believe he was actually asking him this. “Um… yeah. Yes, I would.”

Aziraphale slipped the ring onto Crowley’s ring finger. The design matched Aziraphale’s almost perfectly. Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hand and beamed up at him. “I’m sure this is very clear, but I wanted to tell you, my dear, that I do love you.”

Crowley gaped at Aziraphale, his snake eyes wide underneath the shades. He felt his face increase in temperature. “I—” He planted his face onto the table. “Thank you,” he sniffled.

Aziraphale placed a hand on Crowley’s head and ran his fingers through his red hair. “My dear, whatever are you thanking me for?”

Crowley faced Aziraphale, his mouth open in a strange little smile. “For… loving me? I alwayss thought…” He shrugged and wiped away a tear that was falling down his cheek. “I love you too, Angel.”

Crowley held out his hand and stared at the ring thoughtfully. “It lookss just like the one I made in Consstantinople,” he observed.

“Yes, I tried to smith it myself. No miracles. Does it look any good?”

Crowley smiled widely, his shiny fangs glinting in the bright light coming in from the bakery’s large windows. “It’ss perfect.”

And so the not-so-much-of-an-Angel and the not-so-much-of-a-Demon chatted on while they enjoyed their pastries. All was well; they were finally officially together, and Crowley found that he quite liked apples.


End file.
